just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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