He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
