theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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