She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
