I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
