We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
