im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
