I must be too annoying 4 u.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
