I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
