Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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