Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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