it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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