how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just pee around me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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