new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
