Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
