well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
