Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
