Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
