so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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