ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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