My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
