my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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