Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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