drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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