There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
