we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
