PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
