my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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