Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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