So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need to align my fucking chakras
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
