Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
