glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
