i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
