You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
