normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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