I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
