ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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