I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ttyl tear gas
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
