Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
