Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
