Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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