I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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