So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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