I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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