Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
