Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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