Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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