you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
