I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
