My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
