I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
