Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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